No matter what--no one wants to live with jealousy.
Jealousy can creep in when you least expect it and it's always
a call to action--a signal to look within and discover what's
underneath it.
Thinking that it will go away if you ignore it will
only prolong
your anxiety and challenges.
In fact, jealousy is almost never just about the jealousy itself
and what seems to be happening on the surface like
a partner
flirting
with another person or even viewing website porn.
For the jealous person, it's usually about whatever is lurking
underneath the behavior of their partner that needs to be uncovered
and dealt with. It might be a broken heart from the infidelity in a
previous relationship, it might be low self esteem issues or it might
be a feeling that this is all you deserve.
One thing we know from our own experiences and from the
experiences of our clients is that the first step to changing
anything in your life is first to become aware of your feelings
and the reasons why you want to change.
These are feelings that separate you from other people and
destroy relationship
trust. These feelings may be anger, fear, sadness,
or
anything else that close you down and don't allow a connection
with those you love.
We've discovered that you can stuff your feelings and deny
that they are there until they become so big that you are forced
to deal with them, or you can acknowledge what you are feeling
and make the commitment that you are ready to have another
experience in your life. You are saying that you are willing to
do what it takes to heal that part of yourself.
When it comes to
overcoming jealousy, no matter how it shows
up in
your life, it doesn't go away until it is acknowledged and
there is a strong desire to do whatever is necessary to
change and heal it. You also can't point your finger outward
at others. You have to be committed to changing yourself.
Here are a few tips for getting to the bottom of your jealousy:
1. Commit to finding out what's at the bottom of your jealous
feelings. Take some time alone to get quiet
and feel what you
are feeling and put words to those
feelings. What are you afraid
of? What are you angry about? Do you feel alone?
2. Write your answers to these questions and you will get a
glimpse of what you need to heal within yourself.
3. Get the help you need to heal your wounded heart. Read
books or work with a therapist or coach to help you recognize
the strength within you and move toward empowering yourself.
If you are having challenges with jealousy or any other strong
emotion that could potentially wreck your
relationships, we
invite you to look underneath and see what the real problem is.
Then you can commit to working on and healing these
challenges and commit to making some changes for
the better in your life.